One of my favorite things to do is plan out my months, weeks and dreams for the future in The Happy Planner. As a future-oriented daydreamer and recovering obsessive-compulsive organizer, The Happy Planner hits all my fun levels! I started early playing at organization and scheduling with The Franklin Covey Planner as a young girl since my dad was a loyal Franklin Planner guy for decades and indulged my elementary school wishes for a leather-bound planner. My mom is a consummate list-maker on legal pads, but I preferred the colored paper and flowery or marble designs of The Franklin Planner.
Over the years, I converted to digital planners, but when The Happy Planner came out a few years ago, I went back to paper and plastic binders because of the sticker books full of motivational quotes, fun colors, and list-style diary writing and organizing. It’s like a Franklin Planner, but with more flair and variety, and a bit of intuitive collage to boot!
Regardless of your personal planner system, the self-care comes in by letting your creativity flow, having some fun with it, dreaming and planning for the future, and allowing it to reflect WHO YOU ARE, not just what you have to do from day-to-day.
Soul-based Coaching (SBC) has been a true gem of support getting me through times of change and upheaval by giving my system the release or completion it needs. Every aspect of SBC has brought me comfort, insight, growth and integration.
From my own SBC sessions with the founder, Annemiek van Helsdingen, to my practice sessions with colleagues in the certification training program called Invoke Your Client’s Magic, to putting the magic into practice with my own clients, I have felt a greater sense of purpose, joy, lightness and compassion fill my heart. It’s such a cool thing to be able to bring this work to more people as a foundational practice in my own coaching.
If you’d like to further explore what SBC can offer you, please book an appointment with one of the Certified Soul-based Coaches!
In the meantime, there are several wonderful free resources for you to download at The Academy for Soul-based Coaching to further support you!
When I was young, I loved watching musicals. Even now, I’ll often find myself singing “In my own little corner, in my own little chair, I can be whatever I want to be…” from Rogers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella.
Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One’s Own also extols the importance of a woman having her own space to write in, to create in, and to be all of herself in. I intentionally decided to create my own little poetry corner in each of my apartments. It usually includes the brown leather armchair I wanted to have in my house since I was a child imagining the kind of chairs writers read books in.
In the Hotel Kelsay Galleria, I have many little corners to sit, read, watch the hummingbirds and just be. Each sitting area becomes its own little world just for me. . .
Although this corner has transformed a bit beyond just me thanks to my kitten Zara Rose who has claimed her own space within the Hotel Galleria very quickly. She has a fancy Mau pet tree right next to my leather chair that we can cuddle in when she’s resting in her favorite basket, as it’s the perfect height for us to touch noses.
But we all need a place that is just for us.
Someplace where our own thoughts, our own ideas, our own creative flourishes can dwell and come alive.
What stories are you holding inside?
How can you unleash them through movement, dance, drawings and writing?
The Life/Art Process is an incredible and comprehensive arts healing modality developed by modern dancer Anna Halprin and her daughter, Daria Halprin, an Expressive Arts Therapist.
In doing the Tamalpa Institute Level 1 Weekend Training on Personal Embodiment of the Life/Art Process, I integrated my head, body and heart centers. In the process, I confronted my heart, encountering my own inability to really let love in, as well as came back into my body in an expression of being fully unleashed—full of vibrancy, potency and connected to my life force energy.
The work of exploring each body mythology score over 9+ months while also embodying the metaphors of my soul landscapes through drawings, movement, objects and writing allowed me to access parts of myself that weren’t possible before.
If you’re excited to uncover what stories, drawings and poetry are inside of you waiting to be unleashed, I would love to work with you in one of my personal empowerment programs.
Check out these weekly Life/Art Process offerings by Tamalpa Institute faculty to get your introduction to this beautiful practice & continue your involvement with the work!
You can also find a Tamalpa Practitioner in your area in our directory here!
Since the Spring of 2016, I’ve been doing various modalities of Conscious Dance as the core foundation of my spiritual practice. It’s a great way to have fun, do a movement meditation, listen and learn more about what my body has to say, find community, and embody my inner resources.
The best part for someone like me with a history of starting and quitting dance classes because I don’t want to practice outside of class is that there are no steps to learn and no one else will choreograph your movement. It is entirely based on how your body wants to move in the moment and your own intuition, so it works for all body types and abilities! You show up when you want to, drop in as far as you want to, and tap into some profound wisdom that is just for you.
It’s also a global practice, so you can find classes in most regions. Since the pandemic, there are more options than ever to dance from your own home via Zoom, and there are dances happening throughout the day every day!
I suggest going to classes that offer a teaching and a practice, rather than free-style and social dancing, if you haven’t been familiarized with the principles of a conscious dance practice, especially when dancing online. I find the classes and/or workshops translate better to an online platform than social dances because the guidance and instruction creates a stronger container, there is more space for intimacy and connection, and the instruction focuses the way you’re spending your time on Zoom.
Here are some places you can find dances:
Kelsay mirroring the shapes of this pine tree at Hobart & William Smith College Campus in Geneva, New York at the 8th Annual Bill Evans/Cynthia Williams Somatic Dance Conference.
Dance with your favorite tree, rock, or element in nature!
Move with it, breathe with it, find the shapes with which you can converse with it.
Getting out to nature in itself can be a form of self-care. So many of us are cut off or disconnected from the natural world in our day-to-day lives, so it can take some effort to get into nature. If that’s the case, see if there are any elements of nature near you: parks, trees in parking lots, a body of water, old ruins of a factory or abandoned home, potted flowers or plants in a city shopping center. We all find solace and inspiration with different elements. My HumanDesign environment is markets, and I do feel a certain aliveness and beauty being in bustling city centers and shopping areas. I also appreciate being in nature, wherever I find it. Luckily, I am not far from redwoods, hiking trails, and city markets.
I take the opportunities I can to wander them all alone, so I can converse with the non-human elements I come across, dance with them, and find the shapes that fill the spaces between us. These solo excursions replenish me. If you have some self-consciousness or find it difficult to meditate in public spaces, find the places where you are comfortable enough to make shapes with the elements around you.
Coffee brings me immense pleasure, especially lavish concoctions like lavender and rose lattes or mochas! I enjoy walking to my favorite coffee shops, so that I also get in some time in the bustle of people and boutiques I thrive in. External marketplaces are my Human Design environment, and even before I knew that, I would take myself to the middle of a mall or outdoor shopping center when depressed because the feeling of just being amidst all the activity would lift my spirits. Finding new coffee adventures each week both excites and calms my system.
I also enjoy brewing the coffee myself. I have hundreds of dried rose petals that I add to my chocolate-flavored coffee before brewing it. It adds a wonderful floral tea flavor to the coffee, and the ritual of it adds to my pleasure. If you’re a tea drinker, you might also relate to this ritualization of brewing and creating nourishing blends to your drinks. You can also do it with sparkling water, kombucha, smoothies, juices. . .it doesn’t have to be a caffeinated beverage, though for me, chocolate coffee gives me all the feels.
What is pleasurable about making this drink? Or can you think of places to take it, so that it becomes an adventure, a walk, a jaunt, or a way of bringing more joy and wonder into your daily life?
A Taste of My Favorite Personality Theories:
Suzanne White’s New Astrology (Eastern & Western Astrologies combined for new types)
The Quantum Alignment System with Karen Curry Parker (HD)
16 Personality Types (Based on Myers-Briggs—yes, I do have the full ENTP/Debater type 140 pg. PDF!)
Truity (Career-focused explanations, articles & history of Myers-Briggs Types & Enneagram)
Hannah Paasch’s Millenneagram: The Enneagram Guide for Discovering Your Truest, Baddest Self
People who know me well, know what a Personality Theory fangirl I am!
One of my oldest past times, aside from organizing my life in planners, is vociferously researching personality theories—Astrology, Human Design, the Enneagram, Jungian & Myers-Briggs type identification, CliftonStrengths, the Helen Fisher Personality Test, the 5 Love Languages, DISC and the countless memes based on all of these (but mostly the Myers-Briggs types).
If you’re curious to know where I stand on all of these:
Astrology: Libra Wood Rat, Pisces Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Enneagram: 5w4 with strong 8 and 4 tritypes on the Enneagram
Human Design: 6/3 Projector with Splenic Awareness
MBTI: ENTP-A, though almost even for Extraversion and Introversion on the Jungian test
CliftonStrengths: Input, Strategic, Maximizer, Intellection, Self-Assurance
Helen Fisher: Explorer/Negotiator
Love Languages: Giving and receiving of gifts and quality time spent together
DISC: Influencer category
My view of personality theories is similar to knowledge is power! The more we know about what our tendencies are, personality patterns and how we typically react to the world and interpersonally, the more we can be aware of what is happening in life situations and in our relationships.
Not only can we be better prepared to handle conflicts when they arise, but we can also understand why we see it the way we do and also why the other person might not. They have their own personality types, patterns, behaviors and tendencies that will differ from our own. Understanding brings both self-compassion and compassion for the other person(s) involved.
Knowledge and awareness also allows us to co-create, course correct, and compensate for the tendencies where we know we’re lacking.
For example, on the Jungian test, my former Analyst told me I scored off the charts for Intuition, followed by Thinking, almost even for Extraversion/Introversion, and incredibly low for Sensing and Feeling. And, as an Air sign and Head type, I made it my goal over the next 6 years to get into my body and learn how to experience the full range of human emotions. I still default to Thinking over Feeling and can hurt the Feelers in my life by doing so, but I have learned how to bring more compassion and empathy into those exchanges and how to be more of a feeling human being. Since doing expressive arts and soul-based coaching work, I tested as an INFJ-A, and that is the personality I bring into my work with clients the majority of the time.
Now I’ve even designed my own personality system to help you understand your approach to transformational work, loosely based on DISC and my own experiences as a Transformative Coach!
Soft, cozy, furry places can help co-regulate and offer comfort, cuteness, and safety.
UnHide blankets and cozy, soft spaces bring me so much comfort and joy. I have UnHide pillows to hug when my cat, Zara Rose, is asleep and hasn’t realized I’m laying down yet, but she is my number one source of self-care and co-regulation now that Kiki Mao has passed! And, she is a lover, a snuggler and a kisser.
In addition to tactile and wearable soft things, I also find the act of nesting and being loosely surrounded on all sides settling. As a child, my parents would build forts for me from pillows, blankets and stuffed animals, and I would hide inside of it for hours. Now, I have a human-sized cat-bed or “pouf” that I can nest in and an egg swing chair that I can sway in while I watch the hummingbirds visit my balcony garden. I have tons of fuzzy soft jackets, oversized hand painted sweatshirts, cabin socks and scarves that I can cuddle myself in as well from places like /kit*sch/, Muk Luks and Wren + Glory.
If you don’t find comfort in fuzzy things that surround you or have a pet that you can snuggle, feel into what does allow your body to feel comfort, safety and coziness. Maybe it’s not soft, warm things. It could be cool, refreshing or smooth surfaces like rocks, crystals and mint flavors. It could be wood surfaces and chairs that are earthy, sturdy and hard. It could be textured surfaces you can scratch like sand paper or squeeze like a stress ball. It could be moist surfaces that are damp, cool and cave-like you can hide in. Whatever textures, objects and spaces bring you comfort and that you are drawn to, use them in your self-care practice often!
Anyone who works with me will be given the task of exploring aspects of themselves or their full essence using found objects. My favorite found objects aren’t the kind you pick up off the street, in the woods or on the beach, although I do my fair share of that too. I prefer to work with the objects you have in your home and that you see everyday, so that you can look at them with a fresh perspective or find newness in the ordinary.
The altar pictured here is in my office at home. It’s my main altar, and I also have little altars everywhere. I draw new cards every month to move the energy and make them current to what I’m working with in my own life, and then other things stay the same. This is my writing altar, my ancestral altar (to both my great grandmother ancestral line and my masculine lineages), and my protection altar for myself (with the protection jar in the back left) and my cat familiar (on the right).
What objects do you have that represent significant themes in your life you would like to honor daily?
If nothing comes readily to mind, I encourage you to keep asking yourself that question.
And if you’d like some guidance in the process, I have a FREE PDF to help you find your own inner compass and create an altar installation from it that you can download here!
Some of my favorite self-care products to include in my rituals are:
GIFTED by FreeFrom has all-natural essential oils, soaps, candles, and scrubs handcrafted and made by intimate partner violence survivor entrepreneurs, and their online store is completely managed by a team of survivors, too.
Another business I love to support is Crimson Sage. I get the majority of my ritual healing tools here, as well as more scrubs, oils and cleansers personally made by an amazing fellow poetess and witch, Courtney Leigh Jameson!
I get my ceremonial cacao coins from The Cacao Connection! And I sometimes celebrate by joining my dear friend Jean Kathryn Carlson in her virtual Lunar Cacao Ceremonies.
And, my sister introduced me to the FabFitFun seasonal boxes that are quite the treat for girly fabulousness with each season! If you’d like to sign up to receive the boxes, you can get $10 off your first one here!
Some of the best advice I’ve received was from my nonfiction mentor, Marilyn Abildskov, who told us to “celebrate every victory, no matter how small” because those will be what sustain us through all the rejections and disappointments we’ll experience as writers. And, it’s true for the writer’s life as well as in daily life.
I naturally celebrate every tiny success, every good moment, every little excitement and everything that brings me joy, puts a smile on my face or makes me laugh (and those who know me in real life know that is actually most things). I was raised by a mother who also celebrated me and taught me to treasure and tune into the joy and beauty in our moments together and in life. These have been things that sustain me through the rough patches, the hard dips and challenges that come up.
I take time to create sacred space to honor the ups and downs of life in rituals. It can be as simple as toasting myself with a favorite drink, a decadent meal with a friend, creating a mandala from dried flowers in the woods or on a beach to honor grief and loss, lighting candles and filling a bath with scented goodness or intentionally setting up my space to curl up with a book to enjoy by the fireplace surrounded by soft and cozy things.
It can be as involved as filling the living room with altars that use each of the four elements to cast a spell, or honoring the Full Moon by journaling my intentions for the next month with a cup of ceremonial cacao, and burning juniper anointed with holy water from Avalon!
The ritual pictured here is my own inner compass ritual that I did for myself during my Embodying Stories: Hope workshop in honor of my word for 2025: SOLACE. It has my cat of 17.5 years, Kiki Mao’s ashes and my new kitten, Zara Rose, whose name literally means “blooming flower, Rose.” My raven guide has been with me strongly this year, as have Kiki and Zara. I celebrate them!
What do you have to celebrate today?
Take the time to really treat yourself to something wonderful in honor of it. You deserve it!
Crystals have been one of the tools in my own self-care practice since I was a child.
When I was a kid, I found arrow heads, charcoal and all kinds of different sparkly rocks in my extensive backyard in Michigan. Digging for rocks was one of my favorite things to do at friend’s houses too, and I would buy all kinds of crystals at the shops around town, as my love of shiny, pretty things has been consistent throughout my life. Among my collection today, I still have a rose quartz and tiger eye I bought on Mackinac Island when I was around 8 years old. I also have a raw crystal arrow point from one of my own personal yard digs, although I lost the majority of my rock collection several years ago.
My current rock collection has been rebuilt from many local shops I like to frequent in the San Francisco Bay Area and Grand Rapids, MI like Spirit Dreams, Spirit Matters and Dynamic Energy Crystals, but I recently joined Aurabloom’s VIP Monthly Crystal Club as well as their subscription box to help grow my garden’s crystal supply and my own spiritual tools. I’ve bought a few of their crystals for myself and others. While I can’t say ALL of them are natural, the majority are, and each one is beautifully crafted and full of high energy. I have been unveiling the monthly gifts on my IG and TikTok channels, which has been a fun way to stay engaged on social media.
And if you’re attracted to the crystals too, please check out Aurabloom’s crystals from my referral page! We’ll both get 25% off.
A Practice & Affirmation for you
I was excited to participate in a beautiful Self-Care & Positive Affirmations Deck by The Body Positivity Podcast. Unfortunately, the deck was not made available for sale to the public and only released to the contributors before it closed.
So, I wanted to share the wisdom with you.
Positive Affirmations can also be found in my Words of Wisdom sets found here!
Embolden your wild heart,
unleash your inner beauty,
stay strong, stay true,
fierce hope,
be boldly and uniquely you.
Self-Care Practice: Download and listen to the expanded audio version here!
Begin sitting with your feet touching the ground. Close your eyes and rub your palms together. When you’ve generated some energy, rest one palm on your heart at the center of your chest and the other one on your belly. Feel the weight of your hands supporting you and feel the ground beneath your feet—strong and true. Feel your heartbeat. Notice your breath and your belly supporting you too. If your heart could speak, what would it say? Ask what it needs to embolden and enliven you? Listen fiercely. Be that you.
Tending to my small balcony garden is one of the more surprising ways I’ve found to practice self-care. . .
Growing up in Michigan, gardening was not really how my family spent our time despite having a large yard and private woods. The two lilac bushes were there when my parents got the house, but their blooming purple and white blossoms were one of my favorite times of year.
Here in California, I’ve started growing my own lavender, thyme, rosemary, basil, catmint and hummingbird mint (the leaves of which are a slightly more sweet mint flavor than traditional mint) as well as milkweed, tiny roses, mums, succulents of a few varieties, a small African daisy shrub, and a Meyer lemon tree.
Inside, I’m trying to keep a bamboo, button fern, bromliad and white and purple orchid alive. I was told that tending to a garden is like tending to our business when I started Dialogical Persona Healing Arts, and the metaphor is one I’ve taken literally. It also has proven to be quite reflective of how I’ve grown my business: a lot of transformation, adapting, impulsivity, replacing what isn’t working to bring in something more beautiful and full of life, truly appreciating what stays, and putting a lot of hard work and devotion into the strong foundation of love and wonder that sustains it.
The joy and admiration I feel when marveling at the life growing outside my window each day and night brings a fulfillment I didn’t know I was looking for. And when I see new growth, I feel both the care that I’ve put into this small balcony sanctuary and the care it gives me by blossoming, growing and transforming with each season.
